Bored of the Rings: The Harvard Lampoon
Henry N. Beard & Douglas C. Kenney
Touchstone, 2012 (1969)
Reviewed by Hilary Williamson
et me start by saying that I am in no way truly
bored of the rings
- I've read and re-read the trilogy often, and look forward to Peter Jackson's
movie with keen anticipation. But who can resist a parody of even a favorite series of books and movies?
his version opens on a hairy-toed
named Frito Bugger being tempted to give up his Ring by a '
', followed by Frito's
to his adventures. There he tells what happened to everyone after the story ended - Arrowroot, son of Arrowshirt turned into a despot; Sorhed moved to Wall Street; Serutan and Wormcast became lobbyists; Goodgulf Grayteeth turned into a guru; Legolam performed at Vegas with hits like
You Ain't Nothing but a Balrog
; Gimlet started Gnome Depot; while Frito and Spam Gangree play golf.
he Prologue tells the history of the Sty and of the Boggies who dwell there, '
eating and drinking, singing and dancing, and passing bad checks.
story is covered under
Of the Finding of the Ring
, where we learn how Dildo Bugger encountered Goddam and acquired the Ring.
he tale continues under headings:
It's My Party and I'll Snub Who I Want To
Three's Company, Four's a Bore
Indigestion at the Sign of the Goode Eats
Finders Keepers, Finders Weepers
The Riders of Roi-Tan
Serutan Spelled Backwards Is Mud
Schlob's Lair and Other Mountain Resorts
Minas Troney in the Soup
Be It Ever So Horrid
he inscription on the One Ring reads: '
This Ring, no other, is made by the elves, / Who'd pawn their own mother to grab it themselves. / Ruler of creeper, mortal, and scallop, / This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop. / The Power almighty rests in this Lone Ring. / The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing. / If broken or busted, it cannot be remade / If found, send to Sorhed (the postage is prepaid).
f you somehow missed this delightful parody in 1969, don't miss it now. And it would make a welcome holiday gift for anyone who is either enthralled or (amazingly) bored by Tolkien's epic trilogy.
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