A Pig Parade Is a Terrible Idea
Michael Ian Black & Kevin Hawkes
Simon & Schuster, 2010 (2010)
Read an Excerpt
Reviewed by Bob Walch
igs and parades just don't mix, but if you don't believe me you'll just have to read this picture book. Like most children, you may have thought at one time or another it would be a good idea to get all the pigs you know together for a parade. Sure, the words
seem to just roll off your tongue and sound pretty cool. But trust me! '
A PIG PARADE IS A BAD IDEA!
s you read this you are saying to yourself, '
Now what could possibly go wrong if I held a pig parade?
' Dumb question! You have no idea what could go wrong, but I'm going to give you an idea of how you will rue the day you ever thought of organizing a pig parade.
eally? I know that's what you are thinking. So let's make a list of how pigs can ruin a parade. First of all, pigs won't march in a line like a band will. Pigs hate to march. They prefer to snuffle, which is kind of like walking with your nose. Why snuffle? It is because they are looking for old apple skins and other types of delicious, gourmet garbage!
nother thing pigs won't do beside march is they won't wear majorette or band uniforms. I believe they may think the clothing is unflattering, which is sheer nonsense. Everyone looks sharp in a majorette uniform, even pigs.
id you know that pigs could care less about floats? So if you want to include a float honoring the
Three Little Pigs
Wilbur the Pig
, forget it! The only float pigs care an oink about is a root beer float!
ven if you get some pigs to cooperate and agree to be part of a marching band (fat chance!), you'll discover they have terrible taste in music. Don't expect to hear toe tapping marches. No way! Pigs love sad country tunes like
My Tears Are Wet 'Cause My Mud's Gone Dry
and that catchy number entitled
I Just Wanna Plop into This Bucket of Slop
o there you have it! I've warned you about how pigs and parades just don't mix, but if you still don't believe me you'll have to read this really funny picture book and find out for yourself!
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